Women Are My Friends, Not My Antagonists

Cultivating Abundance in All Relationships, Starting with Ourselves

When it comes to relationships—whether with friends, colleagues, or mentors—it all starts with one person: ourselves. Society has taught us to view other women as rivals, but true strength comes from fostering loving connections, beginning with the bond we have with ourselves. Shifting away from outdated narratives, we can build deeper, more meaningful relationships with others once we establish that love within. This change isn’t just a personal revolution; it’s a cultural one. When we embrace our own value, we’re more open to honoring the women around us as allies, lifting each other up and thriving together.

First Things First: Befriending Ourselves

At the core of any healthy relationship is a solid, loving friendship with ourselves. For years, I struggled with codependency in my relationships, constantly seeking validation outside of myself. In my twenties, everything I did was dripping with envy. I claimed to love and support women, but that was only half the story—how could I truly uplift others when I didn’t even love myself? I started my first Instagram in that scarcity mindset, posting for validation rather than for personal joy or creative expression. That endeavor ultimately failed, as I wasn’t doing it for me; I was doing it to be seen.

The journey to befriending myself and shedding that mindset of envy and insecurity wasn’t easy, but it was essential. As Glennon Doyle writes in Untamed, breaking free from societal expectations means embracing the messy, beautiful truth of who we really are. By becoming our own best friend, we stop seeking external validation, leaving behind the traps of comparison and insecurity. Now, the more I enjoy my own company and take time to honor my worth, the more I genuinely celebrate the success and joy of the women around me.

Take Lizzo, for example, who frequently reminds us of the power of embracing our identities with zero apologies. Her journey to self-acceptance has had a ripple effect, inspiring her fans to feel good about themselves and about each other. Self-love doesn’t just transform us; it reshapes the energy we bring to our friendships and communities, cultivating a world where we see each other as allies, not competitors.

Once we nurture a friendship with ourselves, it becomes easier to extend that same love outward. A big hurdle for many women is the scarcity mindset—the notion that success, love, or happiness is limited, and that someone else’s gain somehow equates to our loss. This mindset can erode even the strongest of connections by fostering resentment, envy, or distrust. I experienced this firsthand. Living with a scarcity mindset meant I couldn’t see women’s achievements without wondering if it meant less for me. But this mindset only left me feeling small and isolated.

Now, I see that true success comes from embracing an abundant mindset and focusing on genuine connections. In The Moment of Lift, Melinda Gates discusses how empowering one woman can have a ripple effect in communities, illustrating that one person’s success truly enriches others. This idea applies to our personal lives, too—celebrating each other’s growth and achievements uplifts us all.

Embracing Abundance in the Workplace

A new generation of women is revolutionizing how we support each other in the workplace, creating spaces where women uplift each other professionally rather than compete. Platforms like MondayGirl empower women by reshaping the workplace culture through knowledge-sharing, career resources, and mentorship. By offering women a supportive network and equipping them with tools for career success, MondayGirl exemplifies the power of collaboration over competition.

Another great initiative is Mentor Walks, which provides women with a unique, accessible way to connect with experienced mentors in a casual setting. By bridging the gap between women at different career stages, Mentor Walks promotes a culture of support and learning, reminding us that success multiplies when shared. Women come together in these programs to walk, talk, and share insights that shape their careers, making the journey less isolating and far more inspiring. (For more information, visit Mentor Walks.)

Our society is finally embracing community-based initiatives where women come together to lift each other up—whether through professional mentorship, support groups, or social networks. Platforms like Ellevest, founded by Sallie Krawcheck, empower women financially by creating a support system that encourages us to thrive rather than compete.

In our daily lives, this might look like celebrating a friend’s promotion, supporting a woman-owned business, or simply sharing advice with someone who can benefit from it. Every small act of kindness we extend to each other creates a more abundant community that benefits everyone involved.

Practical Steps to Embrace an Abundance Mindset in All Relationships

1. Set Aside Comparison: When you feel a pang of envy, reframe it as inspiration—proof that what you want is possible. Recognize that someone else’s success doesn’t take away from your own potential.

2. Invest in Self-Friendship: Make time for rituals that reconnect you to yourself, whether that’s journaling, painting, or enjoying a solo date. The more comfortable we are with ourselves, the less we seek validation from others.

3. Nurture a Mindset of Gratitude: Abundance grows with gratitude. When we’re thankful for what we have, it’s easier to see and celebrate what others have as well.

4. Show Up for Other Women: Small actions make a difference. Show up for your friends’ achievements, support women-led businesses, and give positive feedback whenever you see another woman doing something inspiring.

5. Build Authentic Connections: Seek out friends and partners who celebrate your triumphs and challenges equally and allow you to do the same for them. Authenticity and reciprocity are the foundation of fulfilling relationships.

When we rewrite these narratives, we create a world where women aren’t competitors or enemies, but the lifelong allies and friends we’ve always needed. Each connection becomes a place for mutual upliftment, a reminder that when one of us rises, we all do.

xoxo Rhiannon

Sources Cited

1. Doyle, Glennon. Untamed. New York: Dial Press, 2020.

2. Gates, Melinda. The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World. New York: Flatiron Books, 2019.

3. Krawcheck, Sallie. "Ellevest: Investing by Women, for Women." Ellevest.

4. MondayGirl. “Revolutionizing How Women Show Up for Work.” MondayGirl.

5. Mentor Walks. "Empowering Women through Mentorship."Mentor Walks.